life is hard to describe right now.
i have lost my best friend...
we will recover,
i know we can...
but when is another story.

and then he would come back,
as soon as i was over him.
out of nowhere...
come and go as you please.
come.
go.
come and go.
but dear,
for my sanity.
stay or leave.
stay. stay.
or leave.

be peaceful, young sir.
just love.
do not hate.
...isn't it all about love anyway?

i don't update this enough.
...my last entry was about my exboyfriend...
we brok up in august.
that's how often i don't update,
then i get on, and i'm like...
shit.

i'm not content with life.
i want to get out of this state.
i want to make music.
i want to make art.
work is a vampire that sucks me dry.
this world upsets me.
this town upsets me.
give me excitement, adventure, beauty.

"i swear, i want love more than i want gold...
i'd trade it all for one more story with you."
well said, jack.

6 a.m. will be here too soon, love.

until 3 months from now...

tif.

you make me so happy.
and i barely know you.
i'm not that girl,
who likes someone they barely know.
but i can't help it.
you're different.

and baby, i hate distance.

i've lost faith in you.
mainly, faith in us.
you seem careless.
and i seem careless.
but i know that i care,
so maybe you care.
but somehow, i doubt it.
i doubt this is worth this.
it's not.
it never is.
but i don't want to leave you.
and i don't want you to leave me.
but somehow,
that's the only way i'll be happy.
maybe i'm scared.
a few more days.
yes, only a few.

sufjan stevens at 12am.
and memories of places i miss.